Frosty the Vulcan / T'Poptarts

"Frosty the Snowman" (a Christmas song)
Fandom: Enterprise (Breaking the Ice)
Background: Made for the ENT "Breaking the Ice" challenge at the TrekBBS. My idea was to give "Frosty the Vulcan" his own spinoff series called "The Frosty Show", about this old Vulcan guy (Frosty) whose so grotesquely unemotional he makes Surak look like a bipolar mental patient on crack. This is the show's theme song. May also be sung during the Vulcan equivalent for Christmas (which is like, Surak's birthday or something) :p

Comments: In case some of my references in the song aren't clear… the "academies" part is because of this "Kolinahr Academy for the Logically Challenged" I made up for a convention once (yes I know they don't actually go to school for that). The "Dubya Bush" bit refers to George W. Bush's first reaction on 9/11 (which was… well, wasn't).

To hear a MIDI file of the song click here.
Frosty the Vulcan

Frosty the Vulcan
Has a cold and stoic soul
He has earned two masters of kolinahr
From academies in Gol
So calm and solid
Nothing ever makes him crack
He is more indifferent than "Dubya" Bush
Under terrorist attack.
He's spent his life since early childhood
Looking just as cold
And he's about to turn a hundred
And eighty three years old
Frosty the Vulcan
Is as stiff as he can be
With a face as straight as the shortest distance
Between point A and B.
Frosty the Vulcan
Is so disciplined and trained
No expression trace on his chilly face
And emotions all contained
He's stuck to logic
And would never laugh or cry
He could bluff at poker without an effort
But Vulcans do not lie.
The stick's so deep inside his waste-hole
He can't even fart
And even summertime on Vulcan
Won't melt his frozen heart
No other Vulcan
Is as stoic as he is
He won't raise an eyebrow or blink, and some say
He doesn't even breathe.
Dum dee dee dum dum, dum dee dee dum dum
Look at Frosty go
Dum dee dee dum dum, dum dee dee dum dum
Here at the Frosty Show.

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